Saturday, April 19, 2008

I Feel Like Virginia Woolf.

There are 12 teenage boys in my house.

6 are in the den. - They carried a 32" TV down the stairs so they could hook up 3 Xboxes to 2 TV's in an arcane connection of cables, codes and online passwords. They are shooting each other with Spartan delight in a ballet of alien destruction, otherwise known as a six player/online game of Halo. Two are upstairs playing Wi, and yelling down the score of the Rockets game. The other 4, if you're counting, are in the pool room. 2 are playing pool, 2 are throwing darts.

Along with the sound of guns blasting, shouts of dismay, (or Joy - depending on if you're winning or losing), pool balls clicking, and electronic dart boards playing carnival midway tunes, is the cacophony of 12 cell phones, ringing, beeping, and texting in an unholy blend of electronic madness and horrible Hip Hop ring tones.

How one can text a girl, shoot a fellow Halo player, question his manhood for getting shot, and manage to eat a plate of chips and dip while carrying on an intelligible conversation about the NBA playoffs is beyond my realm of understanding.

They smell of sweat, grass, pizza, and an indistinguishable funk that can only be ascribed to teenage boys.

They are well fed.

By my estimation they have eaten approximately 27 pounds of food. That does not include the (up to now) 54 soft drinks, 4 quarts of Kool Aid, and untold cubes of ice. The birthday cake, is, as of yet, untouched. Post Xbox, I feel certain the feeding frenzy will again ensue.

I am in my computer room. The door is closed. Nora Jones is wistfully singing of a love gone not quite right. The room was cleaned today. The carpet smells sweet and clean. . . . "Spring Fresh, I think the container of carpet fresh said. The monitor is the only light, and I am at peace, knowing I am master of all these boys need to be happy, yet glad to be slightly removed from them.

A room of one's own is a joyous thing.

Happy Birthday Clinton.


pidomon said...

A very happy birthday to your son!

Brave Sir Robin said...

Thank You, my friend.

When will you next be in Fort Worth?

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to Clinton!

And a great big pat on the back to Dad. Wow. That was a)expensive, b) nerve rattling and c) terribly cool of you to allow such an invasion of teenagerdom.

Brave Sir Robin said...


Yes, it was. The party cost more than his present.

He told me "maybe 5 guys". Hmmmph.

Good thing I was a boy scout in my previous life.

Nobody will go home hungry, and i still have breakfast to make for at least 10 of them.

(and I love it)

SaoirseDaily2 said...

Happy Birthday to your Clinton. Enjoy them now because they grow up so fast and then there on their own. What's for breakfast?

Anne said...

Oh, BSR, you are amassing some serious karma with this.

My parents have on numerous occasions done the same (sans overnight/breakfast) for my brother's high school and college water polo teams. I've never been there for any of the meals, but I've heard about them. The amount of food and drink they go through is mind-boggling.

You truly are a brave sir for taking on this sort of thing by yourself! Glad you can retreat into a room of your own.

Elizabeth said...

Now that is a perfect birthday!

I used to love it when my son had his friends over and I had to tiptoe over sleeping bags of comatose teenage boys sprawled all over the living room to get to the kitchen to start breakfast for them all. Those were some of the best days of my life; the ones that started with rumply boys emerging from sleep to the siren call of bacon sizzling on the stove.

My son is now in college, and those days are no more. Enjoy it while you have it.

Many happy returns of the day to your darling boy.

ouyangdan said...

happy birthday to your son! (FTR, april is a splendid month to be born)

i love doing things like that. i love the controlled chaos. i don't have any teenage boys, but i have three grown male roommates, so i can sympathize (they are, after all, sailors!), but it gives me a thrill to make tons of food and watch them all eat it...

as far as halo goes (i am familiar w/ the arcane set up of cables and wires you speak of) six year old girl kicks a ton of butt on halo and all the guys like to play w/ her, but none of them want to play wii boxing w/ her anymore, now that she has beaten them all...

good luck w/ breakfast!

Bee said...


I could identify with every aspect of this post! From the teenage chaos . . . to the delicious retreat into a quiet, private space.

Thanks for a little laugh on a Sunday morning . . .

I'm about to make pancakes for two; what sort of breakfast are you making for your wild boys? (Do they go straight into XBox frenzy the minute they wake up?)

Brave Sir Robin said...

Breakfast will be biscuits, juice, fruit and a sausage/potato breakfast casserole.

So much easier for a crowd.

Although pancakes sound lovely.

Jennifer said...

Excellent, excellent party. And excellent that you have a clean, orderly space into which to retreat & shut the door once it's all underway :)

Anne said...

Forgot to add a very happy birthday to Clinton! It sounds like it's safe to say he had a good day. :)

SaoirseDaily2 said...

And you cook too? You are an amazing renaissance man! I love pictures of red heads too. Must be my irish blood. Hope you have a sinfully fun sunday.

Bitty said...

I would wish Clinton a happy birthday, but I think he got that, so I'll wish him an equally joyous year. What's nice about this party seems to be that the main thing you had to do was provide the venue and food and step back. The guests seem very self-amusing.

I presume you have the reputation of the Cool Dad. If you didn't before, you do now.

I'm imagining the cleanup...I guess we won't see you blogging again for awhile.

Ah rats...wasn't finished, but there's the phone...

Bitty said...

To finish, the post itself is perfection in its imagery, its allusion, its energy. Beautifully written.

I second all the others who advise you to enjoy it now, for it will end soon enough. But long from now, you'll come back and look at this post and live the day again.

sexy said...
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