Today's Task.....

My good friends D & L were in Canada skiing over Thanksgiving, and missed out on a traditional meal, so today we are all going to their house for a belated Thanksgiving feast. My task is to make a pumpkin cheesecake, (recipe below) and whatever else I choose. Since I still have an abundance of rich turkey stock in the fridge, I will probably make a pan of stuffing.

However, my main task today, and every day it seems, is to purge my mind of Rene'.

My Mantra:

I am in love with who I thought she was. It is even fair to say I am in love with who I hoped she was, who I wanted her to be. I am in love with who she could be. I am in love with who she pretends to be, and perhaps even who she wants to be.

That person does not exist.

That person is a facade, created by a careful set of lies and manipulations.

Boy, thinking it is one thing.

Saying it out loud to myself is another thing.

Seeing it written down here for the world to see is something else entirely.

I know in my heart that what I've written is true, but that doesn't make the memory of that love any less real or less bittersweet. I am deeply in love with a person that never existed. The question of whether she could be that person if she choose to be is the one thing that keeps me going back for more each time.

I'm not sure she can.

Pumpkin cheesecake

Crust

• 1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs
• 1 cup ginger snap crumbs
• 3/4 cup finely chopped toasted pecans
• 1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
• 1/2cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 stick unsalted butter, melted

Press crust into bottom and a little up the sides of a 9 or 10 inch springform pan. Put in freezer at least 20 minutes. While preparing filling, pre-bake crust 10 minutes‚ at 400° and let cool.

For the filling:

• 1 1/2 cups solid pack pumpkin (fresh makes a huge difference, but it can be made with canned)
  
• 3 large eggs
• 1 1/2 t. cinnamon
• 1/2 t. freshly grated nutmeg
• 1/2 t. ground ginger
• 1/4 t. allspice
  
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1/2 c. packed brown sugar
• three 8-ounce packages softened cream cheese
• 1/2 c. granulated sugar
• 2 T. heavy cream
• 1 T. cornstarch
• 1 1/2 t. vanilla
• 3 T. bourbon

In a bowl whisk together the pumpkin, the cinnamon, the nutmeg, the ginger, the salt, and the brown sugar. In a separate bowl, beat the eggs until just mixed, then fold into the pumpkin mixture. In a large bowl with an electric mixer cream together the cream cheese and the granulated sugar, beat in the cream, the cornstarch, the vanilla, the bourbon, adding the pumpkin mixture last, and beat the filling until it is smooth. Note: do not over mix after the egg/pumpkin mixture is added. excess air whipped into the eggs will cause cracking later.

Pour the filling into the crust, bake the cheesecake in the middle of a preheated 350°F. oven for 50 to 55 minutes, or until the center is not quite set, and let it cool in the pan on a rack for 5 minutes.

For the topping:

• 2 c. sour cream
• 3 T. granulated sugar
• 3 T. bourbon liqueur or bourbon, or to taste
• 3/4 c. chopped candied pecans
  

In a bowl, whisk together the sour cream, sugar, and bourbon. Spread the sour cream mixture over the top of the cheesecake and bake the cheesecake for an additional 5 minutes. Let the cheesecake cool in the pan on a rack and chill it, covered, overnight.